George Bush × Condoleezza Rice

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George Bush × Condoleezza Rice

(Music. Beep.)

Secretary:: “Mr. President, Condoleezza Rice is here to see you.”
George B.:: “Good, send her in.”
Secretary:: “Yessir.”; *Hangs up*
Condoleeza:: *Enters*; “Good morning, Mr. President.”
George B.:: “Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What’s happening?”
Condoleeza:: “Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.”
George B.:: “Great, Condi. Lay it on me.”
Condoleeza:: “Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.”
George B.:: “Well, that’s what I want to know.”
Condoleeza:: “But that’s what I’m telling you, Mr. President.”
George B.:: “Well, that’s what I’m asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?”
Condoleeza:: “Yes.”
George B.:: “I mean the fellow’s name.”
Condoleeza:: “Hu.”
George B.:: “The guy in China.”
Condoleeza:: “Hu.”
George B.:: “The new leader of China.”
Condoleeza:: “Hu.”
George B.:: “The Chinaman!”
Condoleeza:: “Hu is leading China, Mr. President.”
George B.:: “Whaddya’ asking me for?”
Condoleeza:: “I’m telling you Hu is leading China.”
George B.:: “Well, I’m asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?”
Condoleeza:: “That’s the man’s name.”
George B.:: “That’s who’s name?”
Condoleeza:: “Yes.”

(Pause.)

George B.:: “Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?”
Condoleeza:: “Yes, sir.”
George B.:: “Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.”
Condoleeza:: “That’s correct.”
George B.:: “Then who is in China?”
Condoleeza:: “Yes, sir.”
George B.:: “Yassir is in China?”
Condoleeza:: “No, sir.”
George B.:: “Then who is?”
Condoleeza:: “Yes, sir.”
George B.:: “Yassir?”
Condoleeza:: “No, sir.”

(Pause.)

George B.:: *Crumbles paper*; “Condi, you’re starting to piss me off now, and it’s not ’cause you’re black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don’t you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone!”
Condoleeza:: “Kofi Annan?”
George B.:: “No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.”
Condoleeza:: “You want Kofi?”
George B.:: “No.”
Condoleeza:: “You don’t want Kofi.”
George B.:: “No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.”
Condoleeza:: “Yes, sir.”
George B.:: “Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.”
Condoleeza:: “Kofi?”
George B.:: “Milk! Will you please make that call?”
Condoleeza:: “And call who?”
George B.:: “Well, who is the guy at the U.N.?”
Condoleeza:: “No, Hu is the guy in China.”
George B.:: “Will you stay out of China?!”
Condoleeza:: “Yes, sir.”
George B.:: “And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.”
Condoleeza:: “Kofi.”
George B.:: “All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.”
Condoleeza:: *Picks up the phone*; “Hello. Rice, here.”
George B.:: “Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East? I don’t know.”